Jul 08 2009
It’s hard to be happy when you hurt but I’m trying.
Today is a rather difficult day. I am in a ton of pain…I can’t even sit up for very long without giving in to the couch and laying down. I am tryin to keep my spirits up and my mind distracted by being online and watching TV but my body is reminding me with extreme force that I am pretty much bedridden. I don’t want to get up to get my pain medication because that requires getting up. I also don’t want to get up to go to the bathroom because that requires getting up. I am attempting to get a couple of loads of laundry but with my lack of energy and pain shooting up and down my body when I reach into the washer to unload it into the dryer or to bend over and get a load out of the dryer. I have to get a few clothes done though….we have no towels, my son’s clothes are extremely limited, and I can’t find anything to wear …even in my comfy clothes.
I am trying to keep my spirits up though because when I get really angry or frustrated, it seems to rub off on everybody around me. I understand that it’s hard to be around someone who can’t do much of anything, and I understand it’s even harder to be around somebody who is crabby when they are laying around. BUT…as much as I understand that…sometimes it’s hard to keep my spirits up….sometimes it’s hard to be happy when every part of my body hurts from the slightest move…like sitting up from laying down or adjusting the way I sit…pain is THERE and ALL OVER MY BODY.
Thankfully…I have a friend/cousin who is taking care of my kids while I lay on the floor. I was only going to have her take them for a little bit, but I got home from dropping them off and my body went limp. I can barely get off of my couch…I don’t think I can get the kids and load them up to come home…or even just walk down to get them. The sad part…she lives a half of a block away from me….and I don’t think I can walk that far today. I walked the kids down and by the time I walked them back…I could barely function. Thank GOD for the friends and family I do have. Thank GOD. Those friends and my family are the reason my spirits can stay fairly happy….during this hard time on my body. I have been in an almost non stop flare now for almost two months, with a few decent days in there. Thankfully…one of my good days was the fourth of July. I just want to feel human again for a few days in a row….and I am sure I will….my mom said hers has gotten to be fairly under control, and she is certain that I will get there too. I am also extremely thankful for the mother I have….she knows what I am feeling for the most part and when I tell her I hurt she knows and she believes me. If I didn’t have my mom to confide in with my fibromyalgia, I don’t know how I would handle it. My mom is amazing.
Sarah, I am so sorry that you are so weak on top of the pain. THAT really stinks! I hate when that happens. It,s bad enough to have to have the pain, but then add the fatigue…darn fibro monster!! IF yours is like mine, it will settle down quite a bit. It just takes a lot of time, unfortunately. But, since yours has been so much like mine, I am almost positive it will hopefully back off soon. Get some rest. With the kids gone, maybe you can take it easy and start to get out of this fibro rut you are in. Ilove you.